Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
