Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
