she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
