kristin has been a bad kristin
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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