I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
