mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
