I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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