I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
