Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
