Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I FOUND THE LEGS
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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