we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
