I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
