you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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