My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
