I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
