please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
