My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
