even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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