I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
As shirtless as possible
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
