had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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