I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
