in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
