Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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