Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
