I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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