somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he thought i was a dude.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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