Cold hands, warm shart.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
