what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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