Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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