I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
