youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
