I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
