maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
