I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
