you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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