how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
