he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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