Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
