dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
