No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The power of my boobs compel you
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
