i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
