Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Alive.
So much puke
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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