Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
