Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Hippo gnu deer
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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