I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
