You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
