By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
