Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
