the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
