Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
