I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
