..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
