im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he puts the penis in happiness.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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