Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
