He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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